Ten Thousand Years of Solitude
by Zinnith
Summary: McKay and Sheppard investigates an abandoned Ancient research station and finds more than just ten thousand year old dust. McShep preslash


**Title: **Ten Thousand Years of Solitude

**Author: **Zinnith

**Rating/Category:** PG-13/Pre-slash

**Pairings: **John/Rodney

**Spoilers: **Takes place between _Epiphany_ and _Critical Mass._

**Warning: **Pre-slash. If The Gay scares you, go away.

**Word count**: 12 292

**Disclaimer**: All I own is junk. SGA is not junk. Ergo: I do not own SGA.

**Notes**: Originally meant for the sga-flashfic challenge 'Man and Machine', but it grew and grew and grew until it wasn't a flashfic anymore. Also for Prompt 008: Alone for sg15fics on LJ.

the-cephalopod is my super-beta and deserves praise and cookies. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

**Summary**: McKay and Sheppard investigates an abandoned Ancient research station to find it contains more than ten-thousand-year old dust.

**Ten Thousand Years of Solitude**

_They are on their way. She can feel them coming closer. Many hours away still, but hours do not concern her. She counts her time in decades, not minutes, centuries, not hours. Two of them are of no interest, but there are two others… One is a man of her kind with whom she can already feel a connection. The other has a mind bright as sunlight and sharp as razors; she will have to be careful with this one. _

_They are still hours away, but she is patient. She has been waiting for so long, she can wait a little longer. _

o O o

"I hate hiking," Rodney said, swatting the bugs away from his sweaty face. They were huge and fat, and a peculiar blue-green color; they would probably kill him if he got stung. "I hate nature, I hate alien mosquitoes, and, oh, did I mention that I hate _hiking_?"

"Only nine times in the past half hour, Rodney," came Sheppard's tired response. He was a little bit further up the trail, behind Ronon, who was plowing through the dense underbrush like a dread-locked bulldozer.

"We could have taken a jumper," Rodney said as he stopped to stretch out his back. He _had_ to find a lighter laptop. "We could have been there and back at least three _times_ in the time it's taken us to walk this far."

"We couldn't have taken a jumper because there's nowhere to _land_," Sheppard said with that overly patient tone that had begun to creep into his voice a couple of hours ago. "We're in the middle of a rainforest. If we were in a jumper we wouldn't even be able to see the _ground_, and definitely not this Ancient research station of yours."

It was a five-hour hike between the 'Gate and the Ancient outpost Rodney had found in Atlantis' database. If he had known it would be a five-hour hike through a thick, humid jungle, he would never have suggested this mission in the first place. Well, maybe he would have suggested it, because the notes in the database suggested that the compound to which they were now headed had been the base for some pretty interesting research, but he would have sent Zelenka to be eaten by bugs and lose half his body weight in sweat.

"I find it refreshing to hike," Teyla said from behind Rodney. She sounded like she was trying to forestall the impending argument, something she had been trying to do since Rodney's sixth loud statement about his hatred of hiking. "As a child, I would often go hiking with my father and stay out for days."

"Mankind invented the engine for a reason," Rodney said.

"Are we there yet?" came Ronon's deep voice from the head of the line.

Rodney studied his hand-held scanner. The energy readings they had been following through the jungle were getting stronger. "It should be just around the bend," he said.

"That's what you said an hour ago," Ronon replied, forcing a sturdy branch aside so they could pass.

"One more word, kids, and I'm turning this car around," Sheppard said wearily.

o O o

The outpost wasn't just around the bend, or the one after that. Sheppard became more and more irritated with every passing minute. Rodney was beginning to think that he was coming down with something, but was too macho-stupid to admit it. He was working on a plan to make sure Sheppard got a thorough check-up in the infirmary as soon as they got back to Atlantis when Ronon suddnely stopped.

"Is that it?" the Satedan asked.

"Is _what _it?" Rodney replied, pushing his way past Sheppard to he could see what Ronon was pointing at.

It was a low cliff with a door, a metal door that was hidden in the vegetation. As they approached, Rodney could see that it was similar in style to the architecture of Atlantis. He checked the energy readings, and there was no doubt that they came from here. "Yes, this is it," he said.

"About time," Ronon muttered. Rodney glanced over at Sheppard to see if he was going to start acting like the long-suffering family father again, but the Colonel was staring at the door with a peculiar expression on his face.

"It will get dark soon," Teyla said, dropping her pack on the ground. "We should start making camp."

"Sounds good to me," Ronon answered. "Sheppard?"

Sheppard didn't respond. He hadn't taken his eyes from the door, and didn't seem to have heard anything of the conversation. Teyla walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Colonel?" she asked. "Is there something wrong?"

Sheppard shook his head like he was just waking up. Okay, that was weird - Sheppard might look like he was barely paying attention to what was going on around him but Rodney knew that he was always completely focused, sometimes even scarily so, when they were on a mission.

"I'm not sure," Sheppard said slowly. "Can any of you hear anything... strange?"

Teyla cocked her head, listening. "I hear nothing out of the ordinary," she said.

"Me either," Ronon rumbled. "Nothing that doesn't belong here."

"And the LSD doesn't show anything," Rodney added. "Look, you're not going to have a sudden attack of paranoia and insist we head back, are you? I warn you, if you do, I swear I will stage a mutiny."

"Huh." Sheppard shook his head again with another glance at the door. He looked tense, like he was getting a headache. "No, it's probably nothing. Let's set up camp here. It's getting dark, we can look inside tomorrow."

"_Tomorrow_?" Rodney couldn't believe it. "We hike through miles and miles of jungle, almost get eaten alive by giant alien mosquitoes, and when we _finally _find what we're looking for, you want to sit outside and wait until _tomorrow_?" He walked over to the door and started tearing away the vegetation to find the control panel on the side. "You can stay out here if you want, but I am going to take a look inside."

Sheppard sighed, but obviously seemed to realize that Rodney was right. "Okay," he said tiredly, dropping his pack and grabbing his P-90. "Just a quick look. Remember, we're only here to find out what this place is and what they were doing here. I'll go in with you and take a look around. Teyla and Ronon can set up camp while we look at ten-thousand-year old dust."

"Come _on _then, Colonel, what are you waiting for? Get over here and get this door open." People could be so _slow _sometimes, Rodney thought. The frustration of trying to make them keep up with him was tiring. No wonder he got snappish – at times it was the equivalent of running a three-legged race with a paraplegic.

"All right, all right. Hold your horses." Sheppard came up to him and gave the door a look. It slid open easily; like it was only yesterday that the Ancient scientists who had lived and worked here had left.

Rodney got his out flashlight and shone it into the dark opening. The air was musty and dank, after being conserved for over ten thousand years. He couldn't very far inside, but it seemed to be a long corridor that led downwards, further underground. The compound must be much larger than he had first thought and he couldn't wait to find out what they would discover down there. He started through the door, only to be held back by Sheppard's hand on his shoulder.

"Wait, I'll go first."

Rodney shrugged it off. "And protect me from what, the _dust_?"

"It's procedure, McKay. Just deal with it." Sheppard threw a look back towarda Teyla and Ronon who had already started to get the tents out. He then lit the light on his P-90 and dived into the darkness with Rodney following close at his heels.

o O o

_They have arrived! Her insides are singing with anticipation as the man who is of her kind opens the door. It has been so long since anyone has entered, so long since human feet have touched her floors. The two uninteresting ones have remained outside; that suits her fine. She has no use for them. But these two... The man who is of her kind clearly belongs here, and the other one will learn with time. Her long lonely years have finally come to an end. The man who is her kind and the other one will keep her company for a long time to come._

o O o

From what Rodney could see, the inner walls of the compound were made of the same material as Atlantis. He wondered what the place had looked like when it had been in use. It was like a precious gem hidden deep underneath the rainforest. No one who looked at it from the outside could possibly imagine what was hidden within.

The corridor was fairly short and ended in a large round room, its walls lined with consoles. Other doors led from here into other parts of the station. Everything was dark, lit up only by the beams of their flashlights. The room would not have looked out of place in some horror movie. Sheppard walked around the room slowly searching for unseen threats, he reminded Rodney of some big predator out on the prowl. Rodney headed straight for the main console, unpacking his laptop as he went. New discoveries like this always filled him with childish glee, like he had been presented with an enormous Christmas gift just waiting to be opened. All right, time to see if this one contained Grandma's hand-knitted socks or the cool computer game.

"Do you think I could get a little light over here?" Rodney asked. Connecting the laptop to the Ancient technology was bothersome when you were working with flashlights. There came a deep sigh from Sheppard, and then a fluorescent light flickered on.

Bathed in light, the room was different, less ghostly and more like the research station it was. There was a deep layer of dust on the consoles, but once he could see what he was doing, it didn't take Rodney long to hook his laptop up to the Ancient equipment.

In the meantime, Sheppard moved through the room without his usual curiosity. Most days, you had to forcibly keep him from pressing every button he came across just to see what would happen. Today, he looked unsettled, almost twitchy. There was something tense around his eyes, the fine lines there were more pronounced than usual.

Rodney got the interface working and looked up to inform Sheppard of his success when he caught the Colonel rubbing the temples and the bridge of his nose with one hand. Yep, definitely getting sick and not wanting to admit it. "Hey, what's wrong with you today?" Rodney asked. In his mind's eye he could see Sheppard collapsing from some mysterious illness and they would have to carry him back to the 'Gate. "Do you have a headache? I've got some Tylenol somewhere..." He started patting his pockets, looking for his personal supply of antihistamines and painkillers.

"It's nothing," Sheppard interrupted, still rubbing his temples. "I just... it's like I can hear something, but when I listen closely it's not there." He paused, and then turned to Rodney. "Are you sure this place is uninhabited?"

"According to the Ancient database, no one has lived here since the scientist who ran the place died. Um... that is, died or ascended. The records are a little unclear as to the specifics."

"Ten thousand years is a long time, Rodney," Sheppard said, letting his eyes roam over the consoles. "Something could've found the place since then. It doesn't even have to be something human. Remember that fog on M5S-224?"

"Yes Colonel, please tell me if you start thinking you're back on _Earth_," Rodney answered, eyes darting between the screen of his laptop and the seemingly dead consoles. "Hmm... this is interesting. Everything seems to be powered down, but I'm getting a strong energy reading. I think this place is just in an energy-saving mode. But then it should've powered up when we came in, just like Atlantis did. I wonder..."

"Rodney," Sheppard said, and then, when Rodney didn't answer immediately almost shouted, "Hey, McKay!"

Rodney looked up again. Why did everyone always have to interrupt him when he was doing important things? "Yes, what is it? Working here!"

Sheppard was looking, for lack of better words, spooked. "I think we should leave now," he said, grasping his P-90 like a security blanket. "I've got a bad feeling about this place."

Rodney pointed at the LSD. "Look Colonel, there are exactly two life signs in here, me and you. So unless there is a hibernating Wraith hidden in some..." he paused, suddenly struck by the memory of the Wraith-ship they had found, the one where there had been no life signs until the ten-thousand-year old Super-Wraith had appeared out of nowhere. And then Abrams, and Gaul had... Rodney shuddered as he trailed off. "You don't think there are any Wraith here, do you?" he asked nervously.

Sheppard shook his head. "No. This is something else. Are you honestly saying you can't feel it? It's like... I think there's someone here. Something. It feels kind of the same way Atlantis does, only different."

Sheppard had gone sickly pale and it wasn't just from the bluish fluorescent overhead lights. Rodney began to wonder if he really was getting sick or if this was something else entirely, something a lot less easy to explain. He had never had the same connection with Atlantis that Sheppard had, and, while it was a source of jealousy sometimes, it was also something of a relief. Having the presence of the city constantly in his head... that was something with which Rodney wasn't entirely comfortable. Technology wasn't supposed to be half-sentient – it was a tool for people to use, not be used by.

Rodney put the LSD back into his vest pocket. "Okay," he said. "Let's get out of here. We can take a closer look tomorrow when it's light out."

It wasn't like he was _worried_, Rodney tried to assure himself. They had been walking all day and were tired. Sheppard was probably more tired than the rest of them, since he was obviously getting ill. A good night's sleep would make them see the place in a more favorable light.

And he definitely didn't hurry as he followed Sheppard through the corridor toward the fading daylight outside.

o O o

_The one who is of her kind has noticed her presence. She can feel his mind and it is delicious. So much passion kept reined in and harnessed. So human; the very thing she has longed for, has ached for. She wants to bury herself in that mind, bathe in it, wrap it around herself and never surface again. She does not know what to make of the other one. There is passion there too, but his mind is analytical, busy, eager for new discoveries. He might also make good company, given the time. There is certainly enough work here to keep him busy. _

_But what are they doing? They are leaving! Rage wells up inside of her. She cannot allow it. She will not let them go._

o O o

Sheppard had almost reached the door when Rodney finally heard it. Or rather _felt _it. He couldn't quite put the feeling into words. It was a little like going to Russia – leaving USA and all his research there to be exiled in Siberia. A desperate feeling of ' please don't do this to me'.

It suddenly seemed crucial to reach the door and get outside as soon as possible. Sheppard must've felt it too, because he began to jog toward the exit. Something cold trickled down Rodney's neck, like someone was watching him. He didn't dare turn around for the fear of finding something behind him, some dark thing ready to rip him to shreds. And he had accused Sheppard of paranoia...

Then it rang through the walls.

_NO!_

It wasn't quite a voice, more like a thought, a thought Rodney was absolutely certain didn't come from him.

In front of them, the door slid shut with a bang. Sheppard was only inches away from hitting it face-first, and his sudden stop made Rodney slam into his back. They both lost their balance and ended up in a heap on the floor.

"What did you do that for!" Rodney shouted, trying to untangle his legs from Sheppard's.

"I didn't do anything!" Sheppard replied, his voice also louder than usual.

"Didn't do anything?" Rodney got to his feet and brushed the dust from his pants. "Excuse me, Mr. Gene, but the door was open a moment ago, and now it's closed. I'm not the one who has Ancient technology granting my every wish!"

"Believe me, McKay," Sheppard said, anger evident in his voice. "I want out of here just as much as you do. But I didn't close the damn door!"

Rodney sighed. "All right, so it just magically closed itself. Will you get it _open_ again?"

Sheppard's face got a fleeting look of intense concentration. Nothing happened.

"Okay." Rodney ran his hands over the door. It remained stubbornly shut. He took a deep breath. "Okay, no reason to panic. It must've been a short somewhere. Maybe I overloaded a circuit when I connected my equipment to the console. It's okay, we'll just do it the old-fashioned way, by hand."

"I'm not panicking," Sheppard said sullenly. He had gotten up off the floor and was now standing behind Rodney, P-90 at the and ready, watching his back. Rodney wondered if he too felt like they were being watched. And what about that not-quite-a-voice? He shook his head irritably. No time to worry about that, right now he had to concentrate on getting them out of here.

There was a control panel in the usual place by the side of the door. Rodney pried it open and surveyed the crystals inside. They all looked intact, maybe the problem lay somewhere else? Well, he might just as well start with the most obvious and try to bypass the circuits that controlled the door.

"Do you think you could hurry it up a bit?" Sheppard said behind him. He didn't sound scared; Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard didn't do scared. But there was a distinct sound of urgency in his voice that made Rodney's heart beat faster.

"Don't hassle me, Colonel, I'm working as fast as I can here!"

He carefully removed one of the crystals, intending to use it as a bridge for the two others. If that didn't work, he'd have to run a diagnostic on the system to find the problem, although, judging from Sheppard's nervousness, Rodney wasn't certain they actually _had _that much time.

Sheppard was talking with Teyla over the radio, updating her on the situation, and assuring her that Rodney would have them out in a second, no need to worry.

Rodney could only hope that he _would _have them out in a second. He put the crystal in place, pressing it down to give the power a free path to the door, and...

... was thrown backwards, into Sheppard, sparks shooting from the control panel. Then there was the horrible feeling of not being able to _breathe_, the awful, awful smell of scorched flesh and pain pain pain...

Then darkness.

o O o

_Closing the door is easy, but the other one is too knowledgeable. He needs to be taught a lesson, she thinks, and creates a minor power surge in the control panel. Not enough to kill him. Just enough to keep him from meddling with things that are not his business._

_She almost regrets it when she feels the worry of the one who is of her kind. He has the other one lying flat on his back, blowing breath into his mouth. She finds it difficult to understand why. It would be much easier if the other one shed the clumsy body he inhabits. It would be easier to get the one who is of her kind to follow. _

_Then they can be together here. Forever._

o O o

Sheppard's voice brought him back. Rodney found himself lying on his back on the floor, his feet resting on something soft. He felt kind of numb, except for his right hand which was pure agony. He decided to keep his eyes closed. Nothing that hurt that much could be worth looking at. Through it all, Sheppard was mumbling in a low, intense voice. Rodney could only hear about half of it. "…scared the hell out of me, you stupid… can't take you anywhere… gonna lock you in your lab when we get back…"

Rodney's first thought was, _Huh, I guess you do care a little after all_. After that, his attention was turned to the excruciating pain in his hand. Whatever Sheppard was doing to it _hurt_, more than anything he could remember. He decided to inform Sheppard about this, but all that came out of his mouth was a weak, "Ow."

That seemed to catch Sheppard's attention though, because soon Rodney could feel Sheppard's hands on his face and hear Sheppard's voice more clearly now. "Rodney? You awake? Come on buddy, open those baby blues for me."

Okay, he could do that. Probably. It took a little while, but Rodney finally managed to work his eyes open. There was Sheppard's face, stubbly and pale and with hair that defied all laws of gravity. He looked worried, Rodney thought. Whatever it was that had just happened, it must've been something bad.

"Whu?" he said. Okay, that was just annoying. He had meant to ask what he was doing on the floor, and why Sheppard seemed intent on stripping all the skin from his hand. At least that was what it felt like.

"You got shocked, Rodney," Sheppard said. His voice was surprisingly gentle and that worried Rodney more than anything else. "Do you remember the control panel? You must've touched something you shouldn't have, because you flew a couple of feet, knocked me over, and then decided to stop breathing."

"Oh." Electric shock. That explained why he was feeling so weird. "My hand?"

Sheppard's face fell. "You got a pretty bad burn there, buddy. Second degree at least. I've wrapped it in gauze, but that's all I can do until we get out of here."

"Burn?" Rodney tried to sit up, but was promptly pressed down again by Sheppard. He raised his right hand and found it loosely wrapped in white gauze, just like the Colonel had said. "It hurts."

"Yeah, I know." Sheppard dug into his pocket. "I've got some Tylenol here, it should help with the worst of the pain."

Rodney stared up at the roof. They were still in the corridor, not far from the stubbornly closed door. He could see the control panel from here, blackened and still smoking a little. How long had he been out? The smell of burnt out circuitry was heavy in the enclosed space, and he was trying his best not to think about his hand. His _hand_. Oh god, what Sheppard was just making light of it? What if there was nerve damage? What if it was so bad Carson wouldn't be able to save it? It was his hand, his _right_ hand. He _needed_ that hand.

Rodney hadn't even noticed that he was beginning to hyperventilate until Sheppard placed a firm hand on his chest and said, "Rodney, calm down. I called Teyla and Ronon on the radio. They've gone back to Atlantis for help. We'll get out of here, don't worry." Sheppard had taken out a small packet of Tylenol and began to unwrap the pills. "Here, take these. Do you think you can sit up?"

Rodney nodded, and Sheppard helped him up into a sitting position, fed him the pills, and then held a canteen to his lips so he could wash them down with a mouthful of lukewarm, plastic-tasting water. One of Sheppard's hands rested on his back, warm and comforting. It was too early for the Tylenol to have any effect yet, but Sheppard's mere presence seemed to do more for his peace of mind than any painkiller could. Strange. When had that happened?

"Better?" Sheppard asked, still with that tinge of worry in his voice. Worry, and something else…fear? No, that couldn't be it. Sheppard was never frightened. Rodney closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Time to pull himself together and get back to work. They were still trapped inside the complex and while Teyla and Ronon could probably move faster on their own, it had to be dark outside by now. Five hours back to the gate. Add to that the time it would take to organize a rescue team and get back here, and they would be well into tomorrow. Besides, the most brilliant mind in Atlantis was trapped in here with Sheppard. If _Rodney_ couldn't get them out, who could?

Rodney put his uninjured hand to the floor and began to push himself up. The corridor swam in front of him and he must've wobbled, because Sheppard was trying to pull him down onto the floor again, saying, "Hey! Take it easy! You shouldn't be moving around."

There it was again, that worry. Was it just something he imagined, or was it a little bit more than just 'my teammate just got himself electrocuted' worry? Rodney shook his head and the world righted itself. "I have to get us out of here," he said. And why was that again? Right. The not-quite-voice Sheppard had heard. That Rodney himself had heard.

"All right," Sheppard said slowly, getting to his feet to support Rodney. "Okay, that sounds good to me. Any idea how you're going to do that, because the last time you tried, she almost killed you."

"Well," Rodney said. "I thought I'd begin with… wait, did you just say _she_ tried to kill me? Who exactly are you talking about, Colonel?"

Sheppard ducked his head, looking very uncomfortable. "This probably sounds nuts," he murmured. "But that… that thing I heard before? It was a woman. It sounded like a woman. You heard it to, didn't you? Just before the door closed?"

"I did," Rodney admitted. God, it was hard to think. He was still feeling numb and disconnected, but the Tylenol was beginning to take the edge off the pain in his hand. He held up the gauze-covered appendage and watched it more closely. It didn't _look_ so bad. No blood or anything. That was good, wasn't it?

Sheppard reached over and took Rodney's wrist in a gentle grip, raising his injured hand to shoulder-level. "You should keep it elevated. Reduces swelling."

That made sense, even if it felt stupid to stand here with his hand in the air like he was trying to get his teacher's attention. Rodney made an effort to get his brain back on track. "Okay, back up a little. You said it was a woman? How can you be so sure? _I_ didn't hear any woman!"

"It's like…" Sheppard trailed off, as if searching for the right words. "I can't explain it," he said finally. "It's like I know Atlantis is a woman, but I don't know how I can know it. She just is."

"Yes, but Atlantis is an AI and probably programmed to…" Rodney nearly slapped himself, before he remembered his burned hand. Of course! Electrocution didn't make you stupid, did it? "Atlantis is an AI," he said.

"Yes," Sheppard agreed, clearly not following. "And?"

"_And_, if you had _listened_ at the pre-mission briefing instead of playing table hockey with Ronon, you would know that Ey… Eny… Eiyana something, the Ancient scientist who created this place, had a particular interest in artificial intelligence." It became more and more clear as Rodney continued, "This entire place must be run by an AI! And somewhere in the programming, there must be a glitch, so the system can allow people to _enter_ the compound, but not to _leave_. So all I have to do is to find the glitch, correct it, and we're out of here!"

Sheppard looked both skeptical and hopeful at Rodney's statement. Rodney looked around for his laptop, eager to get started. He would have them out of here and back to Atlantis in time for breakfast. Besides, if he kept himself busy with _this_ problem, he could keep the _other_ little problem, the prospect of never being able to use his hand again, at bay.

o O o

_The other one is awake again, awake and moving. Already his brain is working, ticking like a machine. She feels a strange kinship with the other one, thinks she can come to like him with time. The one who is of her kind follows the other one closely, watching his every step. She has tried talking to him, connecting with him again, but he keeps his beautiful mind closed to her. Too occupied with the other one, she assumes._

_Maybe she will have to choose between them? Maybe they are too closely linked to each other to be able to let her in? Maybe she will have to break that link? If that is the case, she does not know which one of them she will choose._

o O o

Sheppard just watched as Rodney fumbled his laptop out of its case. It was difficult to do it one-handed, and Sheppard didn't offer him any help. Seriously, what was wrong with him today? Sheppard hadn't been acting quite like himself ever since they had stepped through the 'Gate. Sick or not, something was definitely off.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Sheppard asked suddenly, still not lifting a hand to help Rodney. It wasn't as if he didn't have two functional ones and would have to live the rest of his life as a cripple and probably get sent back to Earth the next time the Daedalus arrived because what good could anyone do on Atlantis with just one _hand_, and okay, it was probably time to stop thinking about that right now because, panicking? Bad thing.

Rodney collected himself and gave Sheppard a glare. "Do you have a better one?"

"I'm just saying," Sheppard drawled. "If messing with the door made her electrocute you, what do you think messing with her programming will do?"

"Will you stop calling it 'her'?" Rodney had finally gotten the laptop up and running, no thanks to Sheppard. "It's not like it's a _person_ we're talking about here. Besides, she… _it_ didn't do anything the last time, so why would it now?" A wire here and there and, voila, he was in. "There, see, nothing happened! Satisfied, Lieutenant Colonel Worrywart?"

Sheppard sighed and turned around. Even his back looked sullen. Rodney let him sulk and turned his attention back to the screen.

He had only had time for a quick overview the last time, but from what Rodney could see, nothing had changed. The energy output was the same. There were no life-signs other than his and Sheppard's. Okay, time to take a look at the programming code and see if he could find what was wrong with the place.

Rodney wished it could be just as easy to find out what was wrong with Sheppard. Just open him up and discover what makes him tick. Find the glitch and fix it. People were so _complicated_. No logic, no way to anticipate their reactions. It was so much easier with technology. Push a certain button and you knew you would get a certain response. With people, you never knew what to expect.

Sheppard still had his back turned and wasn't talking. It made Rodney uneasy, like he was just about to do something wrong, even though he knew this was the right thing to do. It certainly beat sitting around waiting to be rescued and gave both of them something else to think about, but Rodney needed Sheppard _with_ him in this, and Sheppard wasn't. The Colonel hadn't been himself since they stepped through the gate, and seemed to be acting more and more strange the longer they were on this planet. Rodney thought back to the Gate room the same morning and remembered that Sheppard had been his old smirking self before they departed. Something on this world must be setting him off. Could you be allergic to a planet? Rodney decided to ask Carson when they got back to Atlantis. If he could only get them out of here.

It proved to be difficult. Rodney tapped away on the keyboard, slower than usual as he could only use his left hand. For some stupid reason, he just couldn't get to the code. He tried again and again, but the system wouldn't let him in.

"I told you, she wasn't gonna let you do it," Sheppard said, still with his back turned.

Rodney looked up, puzzled. "What? How did you…" There was no way Sheppard could have known that. Then he realized that there was something off with Sheppard's voice. It was vague and just a tiny bit slurred. "Hey, what's going on with you?"

Sheppard didn't answer. Rodney looked at his screen again. Still no luck, and he had a feeling their time was starting to run out. He left the laptop and walked over to Sheppard, putting a hand on his shoulder, just like Teyla had done earlier. It didn't get him any reaction. Now that he was close, Rodney could see that Sheppard's face had gone strangely blank, and he had a vacant look in his eyes.

"Colonel?"

Still no response. Rodney shook Sheppard's shoulder. "Sheppard? You're beginning to freak me out. You don't want that, do you? I've already been electrocuted and burned and we're locked into an Ancient compound with a rampant AI, and I _swear_ the air is already getting stuffy in here and I… I can't do this alone! Colonel, are you even listening to me?"

Sheppard blinked. His hazel eyes slowly focused on Rodney. The Colonel looked disoriented, like he'd just woken up from a deep sleep, and he was even more pale now. "What?" he asked.

"What?!" Rodney knew he was breathing too fast, but he couldn't seem to calm down. "You just completely zoned out, that's what! What's _wrong_ with you! How did you know I couldn't get into the system? There's something you're not telling me, and I want to know what it is, before she gets us _both_ killed!"

"I thought you said she wasn't a she," Sheppard said, and then, "Are you okay? You look like you need to sit down."

"Am _I_ okay? I'm not the one who was completely _unresponsive_ a moment ago! And just for your information, I'm _not_ okay! My hand hurts and I'm sore all over and I can't get to the damn code and you're acting all weird and I… I don't want to _die_ in here!"

Breathing far too fast, Rodney could hear the blood pounding in his ears. When Sheppard's hands grabbed his upper arms, he was surprised to find that his knees were so weak that it took all his strength just to stay upright.

"Rodney, come on. Don't panic, we're gonna be fine." Sheppard's voice seemed to come from far away. "Why don't we just sit down here for a little while, all right? You shouldn't even be up yet. Come here, sit down. Head between your knees."

Sheppard's hands guided him down to sit with his back against a console and urged him to slow down his breathing. After a few moments black spots were no longer dancing in front of his eyes and he looked up.

"There you go. Better now?" Sheppard asked. He was hunched down in front of Rodney, seemingly all there again, eyes bright, alert and very concerned. He was still too pale though, with dark circles like bruises around his eyes. _Something's wrong with him and he won't tell me because he's too worried about _me Rodney sighed and leaned his head back against the console. God, he was exhausted.

"I'll be fine," he said tiredly. The near-panic attack seemed to have taken everything out of him, and he couldn't find the energy to argue with Sheppard. "Get me the laptop?"

Sheppard hesitated, but then he reached up for the laptop and handed it to Rodney. "How's your hand?" he asked.

Rodney grimaced. "It hurts." Did Sheppard really have to remind him of that? Part of him wanted to unwind the gauze and get a good look at it, to see if the burn was as bad as it felt. The rest of him just wanted to try to forget about it. He turned his attention back to the laptop.

Sheppard sat down beside him and look at the screen. "Any luck?" he asked.

Rodney shook his head. "Not yet." He'd tried again and again, without success. "You know, statistically, for every time I don't make it, I have a better chance the next time," he said, with a side-glance to Sheppard. The Colonel didn't look hopeful. Weird. Usually, Rodney was the one with the doubts and Sheppard the one trying to make _him_ feel better.

Sheppard just rubbed his temples and sighed. He sounded about as tired as Rodney felt. No more than a couple of hours had passed since they had been locked in, but it already felt like a lifetime.

o O o

_The one who is of her kind will not talk to her. She managed to connect with him for a moment, but the other one broke their link. They are afraid, she can feel it. They don't know what to make of her. The one who is of her kind has a notion of what she is. The other one will find out, given time. _

_She wonders if it would help if they were to learn her story? Maybe it would make them understand? If they know what she is, perhaps they will not be so afraid anymore? They have to understand that this is better. How limited they are in their current state of being. _

_She decides to tell them. After all, it has been a very long time since anyone knew her. These two will be her chosen ones._

o O o

"Ha! What did I tell you?" Rodney motioned to the screen in triumph. "I have… wait a minute, I'm not sure what I have… looks like some kind of log."

Sheppard's only response was a grunt. He looked half-asleep with his head leaned back against the console and his hands resting on his thighs, still too pale for Rodney's liking. Dark eyelashes stood out sharply against the color of his skin.

Rodney reached out to shake his knee. "Hey, are you awake or am I just talking to myself here?"

"Aren't you usually?" Sheppard said, turning his head and blinking owlishly.

"Ha ha, very funny. Are you interested in knowing what this says, or are you too busy playing the comedian?"

Sheppard straightened up and leaned over to peak at the screen. "Yeah, what is it?"

"A logbook." Rodney quickly scanned the text. "Look at this, I have notes on all the research projects Eiyana worked on here. Now, let's see if there's anything on the AI."

Sheppard just turned away, disinterestedly, and his eyes drifted shut again. Rodney considered shaking him again, but was distracted by the information he had found. It was a treasure chest, things which had only been touched on in Atlantis' database were detailed here in full.

"Sheppard, you should see this." Rodney tapped Sheppard's arm. "She was brilliant. I mean really brilliant, she must have been one of the most gifted scientists the Ancients had, and… Colonel! Are you listening?"

There was no response from Sheppard. Once again, Rodney put the laptop down and shook his shoulder hard. "Sheppard!"

This time, it took longer before Sheppard reacted. When he opened his eyes, they were glassy and unfocused, like he was watching something far away. Rodney shook him again. "Come on, talk to me! Oh, wonderful. Of all the times to get ill, you have to pick the one where we're trapped in the middle of nowhere, hours from medical attention. I'll never forgive you for this, Sheppard. Do you hear me? You're hereby degraded to coffee boy!" Sheppard's eyes seemed to be focusing, but there was no recognition in his face. "That's right," Rodney continued, hoping that his voice might help bring Sheppard back. "Until my hand heals, you'll be running errands for me – getting my lunch, doing my math, I might even let Kavanagh borrow you, how about that?"

Sheppard blinked. "That'd be… cruel and unusual… punishment," he croaked, raising a hand to rub his eyes. "What happened?"

"What happened?" Rodney drew a deep breath, mentally counting slowly to ten. Freaking out again would help no one. "You blacked out again, that's what happened. What's wrong with you, Sheppard? And this time, I want a straight answer."

"I don't know," Sheppard whispered. He looked really frightened now, his face white as a sheet and his hands trembling. "It feel like… like I've been in the control chair in Atlantis for too long."

The statement was enough to scare Rodney too. In Antarctica, before it had been confirmed that Sheppard would be coming to Atlantis with them, Rodney had once made the mistake of putting him in the chair for an entire afternoon. The stupid flyboy hadn't complained, of course. By the time someone finally realized how late it was, Sheppard had gotten out of the chair and managed two shaky steps before collapsing to the floor. Carson had given Rodney a long lecture and restricted the time anyone could to use the chair without a break to a two-hour maximum.

But this was different. As far as Rodney knew, there was no control chair around. If Sheppard was right, if it was some kind of neural interface like the one in Atlantis, there had to be a mental component involved. The chair didn't just connect with anyone who decided to sit in it. First of all you had to have the gene. But that didn't make sense here – if it were only a matter of DNA Rodney would be suffering from the same thing as Sheppard. He hadn't felt any of the things Sheppard had talked about. Although, come to think of it, he _had_ heard that not-quite-voice before the door closed, but that was just the once. Damn it, he couldn't think of an explanation, and his brain felt like porridge – slow, mushy and of no use at all.

"Maybe it's designed to key itself to the person who opens the door," he said. Sheppard just looked confused, so Rodney continued. "The AI?" Sheppard gave him a blank look, he didn't seem to be following at all. Rodney sighed and rolled his eyes; he knew that he had skipped a few steps in his reasoning and that Sheppard wasn't exactly firing at all cylinders at the moment, so he shouldn't really be irritated. But the whole situation was just so _frustrating_.

"Okay, let's take it from the beginning," he said, mustering all his patience. "We have an AI running this place, right?"

"Right," Sheppard echoed.

"Right, good. The chair on Atlantis can only form a connection with a gene carrier. If this AI is similar to the one we have on Atlantis, it should react to the ATA-gene. But if it did, I would feel it too. Maybe not as intensely as you do, since your gene is stronger, but I'm pretty sure I'd be able to pick _something_ up. So I'm thinking, when you opened the door, maybe the AI keyed itself to your brainwaves? Are you following me?"

"Mhmm," Sheppard mumbled. He didn't _look_ like he was following. As a matter of fact, he looked about as bad as Rodney felt. Rodney put the laptop down on the floor and dug into his pocket for a power bar.

"Hey, are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?" he asked. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen Sheppard eat anything all day. They'd stopped for lunch on their way here and Rodney, Teyla and Ronon had eaten, but Sheppard had just had some water. Rodney should have realized then that everything was not well. As skinny as Sheppard was, he usually ate like a horse.

Sheppard shook his head. "M' okay. Jus' tired. You go 'head an' eat." There was that slur again.

"No, I'm… that's okay." Rodney looked between Sheppard and the power bar in his hand. He wasn't hungry himself, actually felt a little nauseous. He knew his blood sugar wouldn't start bothering him yet for some time, so he put the power bar away. Maybe Sheppard would want it later. "Why don't you try to get some sleep? I'll… I'll be right here. Just don't go away again."

The last probably came out a little more pathetic than he had meant it to, but Sheppard didn't comment, just leaned his head against Rodney's shoulder and closed his eyes.

Okay, that was new. Sheppard usually didn't search out physical contact. Not that Rodney disapproved. It felt sort of nice actually. It was a little chilly in the room and Sheppard's body was warm and heavy against him. Rodney carefully shifted into position that would be more comfortable for both of them, picked up the laptop again, and went back to work.

o O o

_The one who is of her kind is sleeping deeply. She entertains herself with his dreams for a while. At first there's metal and blood, but then a strong feeling of _home;_ the sound of the ocean the rhythmic pounding of heartbeats all around her. _

_The other one watches, dividing his attention between the one who is of her kind and his equipment. For being such an intelligent man, he is very slow. She thought he would have it figured out by now. There are enough clues, enough for anyone to piece it together. He is probably scared, she thinks. Not ready to accept the possibility of what she is. He knows loneliness and that is what she is. _

o O o

There was something he'd been missing, Rodney was sure of it. He'd gone through Eiyana's logbook twice and found nothing. Nothing on AI:s, nothing on the programs the base ran on. In short, no clues as to how to get the place to respond to him.

Sheppard was still fast asleep, snoring softly and drooling a little on Rodney's jacket. In sleep, he looked relaxed and unguarded. Rodney had the strange urge to stroke his hair a little. Maybe this place was starting to make him act weird too.

"Or, you know, it could be a result of nearly being _fried to death_," he said conversationally to himself. His voice seemed to bounce off the walls. Sheppard stirred a bit, but didn't wake. Rodney sighed and put the laptop down. Maybe if he followed Sheppard's example and got some sleep he would be able to think better. He was tired and sore, and the throbbing in his hand had only gotten worse. The Tylenol had helped a bit, but what he _really_ wanted was Carson, a nice hospital bed and some really good drugs. He felt like he deserved it. How long would it take Teyla and Ronon to come back with help anyway? With some luck, they would bring a bunch of marines with plenty of C-4 to just blow open the door.

And he knew things were getting really bad when blowing stuff up seemed like a good solution.

"You know," he said to the sleeping Sheppard. "This really wasn't on my calendar for today. Go explore Ancient research station. Get locked in by Ancient AI. Watch my friend succumb to some kind of mysterious illness. I'm sure I'd have remembered it if I'd written that down."

Rodney went back to the laptop, prepared to go over the logbook again. It was like solitaire. Sooner or later, he _had_ to win.

He had only touched the keyboard when Sheppard suddenly started awake and sat up straight. Rodney gave him a glance. "Have a good nap, Colonel?" he asked, preoccupied with the text on his screen.

"Leave me alone!"

"Excuse me?" Rodney turned. "For your information, I have been…" he trailed off. Sheppard's eyes were wide open and unfocused again. Not good. Rodney reached out to shake him back to awareness. This was the third time now – definitely not good. "Colonel?"

"What? No, not you." Sheppard shook his head. "I think I was dreaming." He sounded confused. From the pinched look on his face, he must have one hell of a headache.

"Dreaming about what? Being chased by scantily clad ladies? To judge from the puddle of saliva on my jacket, that must have been some dream."

Sheppard didn't rise to the bait, just blinked and rubbed his temples. He had moved so he was sitting sort of hunched in on himself, his spine in a protective curve underneath his jacket and tac vest. "I think it was about… machines," he murmured. Rodney wasn't sure if he was talking to himself or to Rodney. "It was… I don't know. It felt good. Like there was finally some order to the world. Never been able to make sense of it…"

Right, definitely not talking to Rodney. The Sheppard he knew would never make a statement like that unless he was stoned out of his mind.

"Okay, now you're freaking me out," Rodney said. He put the laptop down on the floor and reached out to put a hand on Sheppard's shoulder. Touch had seemed to calm him before, but now, the Colonel flinched away and got to his feet.

"Don't!"

"What!" Rodney grabbed the console and hoisted himself up as well. "A moment ago you were practically _lying on top of me_, and now you won't even let me close? What are you afraid of, cooties?"

"Sorry." Sheppard had wrapped both arms tight around his middle. He looked scared and fragile, like a kid who had just got beaten up by the neighborhood bullies. "It's not you, it's… I feel like there's someone trying to get… to me. Get inside me." He looked up, turning bruised eyes on Rodney. "I'm making much sense, am I?"

"Do you ever?" Rodney said. When this didn't get any reaction from Sheppard, he rolled his eyes. "Definitely not on my calendar for today."

Suddenly understanding flooded through him - something that had been floating just on the edge of his consciousness snapped into focus. He knew what he had had been missing…

"I think I've got it!" he picked the laptop up and scanned the log again to be sure, then went back to the files he had downloaded from Atlantis' database to double-check. "The calendar. God, I can't believe I missed it!"

"Missed what?" Sheppard had come closer and was leaning over his shoulder.

"Here, look!" Rodney pointed to the screen. "Look at the dates. Here, in the files from Atlantis. This is the date where Eiyana supposedly died and this base was abandoned. It was in the middle of the war with the Wraith, so they didn't bother to send anyone to replace her, they just let the place be."

Sheppard followed his wildly gesturing hand. "And?"

"And, look at this! In the logbook from this base. Look at the dates here. These entries were made almost a year _after_ Eiyana died. So either she was experimenting with timetravel, which I don't think likely, or her _ghost_ made those entries, which I think even _less_ likely. Or…"

"Or she was still around," Sheppard finished for him, realization sparking in his eyes.

"Exactly! And if she was still around _then_, maybe she's still around _now_!"

"You said…" Sheppard started slowly. "You said before that she either died or ascended."

"Well, maybe it was neither." The idea was staggering. Rodney's knees suddenly decided that he had to sit down and he slid down to the floor. "Maybe she tried to ascend, but got… stuck… somewhere halfway. Got stuck here. Oh god, I've been wrong all the time. It isn't an AI. It's _her_!"

"Ten thousand years…" Sheppard whispered, so pale he was almost translucent.

"We must be the first human beings to come here," Rodney said. Ten thousand years with no company but computers and machines. No one to exchange ideas with. No one to steal dessert from. No one who made you watch horrible technologically inaccurate movies and hogged the popcorn. He couldn't even begin to understand what it would be like. "It… she must've recognized your DNA and latched on to you somehow. I mean…ten thousand years. She can't be exactly sane." He laughed, and felt detached enough to pick up the underlying tone of hysteria in his own voice. "Ascended women. They just can't leave you alone, can they?"

o o o

_They understand! Finally, they understand. It is such a relief, such a joy. It will not be long now. They know who she is. They don't have to be afraid any more. If only the one who is of her kind agrees to talk to her, let her show him her home. Let her show him the beauty of it. Let himself love it the way she does. Maybe he can show the other one._

_Eternity will be easier to bear with their company._

o O o

"I've been thinking," Sheppard said suddenly.

"Really? Did it hurt?" Rodney responded automatically, with no real feeling to the barb. They had been sitting silent for the last half hour, neither speaking nor moving, just trying to come to terms with Rodney's discovery.

Sheppard ignored him and continued. "What if I just stopped fighting her? If we can find out what she wants, maybe she'll let us out of here."

"Yes, and maybe she'll suck you right out of your body and into the machinery. Great idea, Colonel."

Sheppard shot him a dark look. "Do you have a better idea?"

"Yes!" Rodney half-shouted. "We wait for Teyla and Ronon to come back and get us out!"

Sheppard looked down. "I don't think we have that much time, Rodney," he said quietly. "She wants something and she's not going to stop until she gets it."

"So you're going to risk you life again, is that it?" Suddenly, Rodney was so angry he could hardly breathe. Damn it, Sheppard had no _right_ to do this. "It'll be another 'So long, Rodney'? Just where the hell did you get the idea that you're _expendable_?"

There was a deep sigh from Sheppard. He looked incredibly weary, like just sitting up and talking was robbing him of energy he didn't have. "I just don't know how much more of it I can take," he said. "It's like this constant pressure inside my head, and it's getting harder and harder to keep her out."

"So you're just going to quit. Is that it, Colonel?"

That comment wasn't fair and Rodney knew it. This shouldn't be happening, especially not to Sheppard - he had been through enough lately. First there had been Ford and his insane little band of drug-addicts who'd held them hostage, and then being trapped in that time dilation field for months, thinking his team had abandoned him. That had only been a few weeks ago. And now this – it just wasn't fair.

"I'm tired," Sheppard said softly, like he had been reading Rodney's mind. "I don't want to quit, but I'm just so damn tired. I'm sorry."

Then he went silent. Rodney leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He was pretty tired himself. He wished he could grab a nap; maybe when he woke up he would have a solution. Then again, probably not. Technology, he could fix. People, not so much – especially not crazy half-ascended Ancients.

The silence lengthened and after a while Rodney opened his eyes again. Then he went cold – Sheppard was gone again. His eyes were open, but glassy and vacant, and he was slumped against the main console.

"Sheppard?" he asked. When there was no response, he crawled over to Sheppard on hand and knees. "Come on, Sheppard. _John_. Don't do this."

"Rodney." Sheppard's voice was barely a whisper. "I wish you could see it. You'd love it, Rodney. It's beautiful. Perfect."

Sheppard smiled and closed his eyes and for a brief moment, Rodney wished that he _could_ see it, could experience the same thing Sheppard did instead of watching it as numbers on a screen. That was when the first thin line of blood started to trickle out of Sheppard's left nostril.

He rushed to his feet, screaming, "Stop it! Can't you see you're hurting him?"

There was no answer, only his own voice echoing off the walls. It shouldn't be a surprise that she wanted Sheppard. All the Ancient chicks seemed to fall for him. First Chaya, and then the one in the time dilation field, Te…something. And now Eiyana. They all went for Sheppard, who could charm the pants off anyone with his hair and his lazy grin. Except here he was, dying, just because that charm in addition to his genetic make-up apparently turned him into a giant magnet for ascended women.

Rodney decided, there and then, that he simply was not going to allow it to happen. "Come on," he said, closing his eyes and concentrating. "Eiyana – I'm here too. Come and talk to _me_."

Then he could feel it. Could sense the presence of something, _someone_ else. It was a little bit like the time when he'd had Cadman stuck in his head, only less intimate. Instead of actually being _in_ his head, Eiyana was just standing on the threshold. Rodney understood what Sheppard had meant about pressure. His head felt like a tennis ball in a vise. If she pushed any more, his brain would probably explode into a million messy pieces.

'_Not alone anymore.'_

That was the same not-quite-voice he had heard when the door closed. Eiyana. And now he understood what she had meant. Why she wouldn't let them leave. _Oh my god. She really is a person, and she's been stuck here for ten thousand years all alone. No wonder she went insane._

Sheppard had slid down onto the floor, pale and still. Rodney knelt next to him, almost afraid to touch him and find him gone. The blood was still running from his nose. That had to be a good sign – dead people didn't bleed, right? Rodney grabbed Sheppard's shoulders with his good arm and tried to lever the other man up to rest against his chest. Eiyana clearly didn't like that.

_'Mine. Belongs here.'_

No. No, no, no. She couldn't do that. She couldn't just decide that Sheppard was her property and keep him here forever. "You can't have him! Do you hear me, you Ancient bitch! You can't have him, he's mine! He's _ours_! Do you get it?!"

He didn't stop until he had yelled himself hoarse. God, he couldn't even tell if Sheppard was still breathing.

_'Want company. He is mine. My people.'_

"Please," Rodney croaked. "He's not one of your people. They left millennia ago. They're all dead or ascended. There's no one left here. He doesn't belong here, he belongs with us. His people."

_'No one?'_

There was grief then, so solid and real it felt like you could touch it. The loneliness of someone who was the last of her kind. It made Rodney feel like something inside him had broke lose and started to bleed. "There's no one left here," he repeated, and then remembered something about the people who had been with Sheppard in the time dilation field, trying to ascend. "They're gone. They… they ascended. You can see them again, but not if you stay here."

_'This is home. Love.'_

"Yes. Yes, I get it." She really did love the place. Had invested her whole life in it. It was like if someone would have asked Rodney to leave Atlantis. "I understand it, Eiyana. I really do. I… I'm lonely too, a lot of the time. I know what it's like. But you have to… you have to take the risk. Take a step outside. You have to let go. You have to let _us_ go."

_'Safe here. Danger outside.'_

"I know!" Rodney's face was wet with tears. He could understand her so well, and yet he hoped, prayed to some higher power he didn't even believe in, that he could make her see reason. "Listen to me, will you? I know it's dangerous out there, believe me, I know. There's…there's fear and pain and Wraith and… and people who stick knives in your arms and the universe keeps throwing lethal allergens at you, but it's _worth_ it! There's so much to _see_, so many things you'll never get to experience in here, things that haven't even been _discovered_ yet. _Please_, let us go."

For a long time there was only silence. Then there came a soft sliding sound from the corridor. Fresh air filled the compound and jungle noises filtered through Eiyana's grief.

There was a part, a very small part, of Rodney that wanted to stay, wanted to keep her company. He knew about loneliness. He wasn't even sure what he would have done in her position.

But Sheppard came first. Rodney didn't think he could lift the other man if his life depended on it, so he hooked his hands under Sheppard's armpits, biting his lip against the pain, and staggered backwards toward the exit, dragging Sheppard behind him. It was slow going – every movement jarred his burned hand and made black spots blink in an out in his vision.

The corridor seemed impossibly long. Rodney kept switching his attention between Sheppard's limp body and the still-open door. Who knew how long Eiyana would keep it open? She might change her mind any second and keep them trapped in here forever.

The moment Sheppard's feet were outside, the door slid shut again. Rodney decided that this was about as far as he was going to get and just let his legs fold, sinking to the ground with Sheppard's head cradled in his lap. He reached out his shaking hand to try to wipe the blood from Sheppard's face. Most of it had already dried. He knew he ought to check for a pulse, and pressed his numb fingers to Sheppard's neck. He couldn't find one.

Too late. Too damn late.

Rodney got Sheppard flat on his back and began CPR. He didn't even feel the pain in his hand from doing the compressions. It couldn't end like this, not _now._ He had no idea how long he was trying to force the life back into Sheppard's body. It felt like hours. He'd lost all feeling in his trembling arms. His lungs were far too small to breathe for two. Despite the failing of his stupid, weak body, he kept going. He just couldn't bear the thought of spending the rest of his life without John Sheppard.

o O o

_He is finally with her now, the one who is of her kind. The other one has dragged his empty shell outside and they both watch him try to revive the body. They watch how the other one's strength eventually runs out and he sinks to the ground in despair._

'_Don't do this,' the one who is of her kind pleads._

'_You belong here,' she answers. Now that she has him, she will not let him go._

'_Neither of us belongs here,' the one who is of her kind says. 'I belong out there, with him. You belong with your people.'_

'_All gone' she says. That was what the other one told her. No one left but the one who is of her kind, the last remnant of her people. _

'_They're still out there if you know where to look,' the one who is of her kind says. 'You just have to stop hiding.'_

_She shudders. 'I do not know how,' she says softly. She cannot remember a life outside her home._

'_I think you do,' the one who is of her kind says. 'I think you're just too scared to let go. But take a look at him.' The one who is her kind turns her attention to the other one, whose face is wet with tears. 'If you keep me here, he'll be alone instead. Do you really want that for him when all of us could get a chance to be happy instead? Seems kind of stupid to me.'_

_The one who is of her kind is right. She would not wish this upon her worst enemy and the other one is not her enemy, he is too much of a kindred spirit. But it hurts so much! She cannot bear the thought of cutting her ties to her home. What if there is nothing out there? What if her people are really, truly gone?_

'_So?' the one who is of her kind asks. "What is it going to be? Stay here like a chicken or get out of here and live a little?' _

_The other one lies still on the ground, his head resting on the shell of the one who is of her kind. It is like she suspected. The bond between them is too strong to be broken without breaking them as well. _

'_What if there is no one else?' she voices her fear._

_The one who is of her kind smiles. 'I know there is,' he says. 'It's a long story, but I kind of met a bunch of people like you not so long ago. They made it over to the other side. They'll be there waiting for you.' _

_He is earnest and means her no harm, only wants the best for her. Should she not do the same for him? She searches within herself for the answer. Then she makes her decision._

o O o

Rodney didn't remember falling asleep, but a voice in his earpiece woke him up. "Colonel Sheppard, Dr McKay, this is Teyla, do you read?"

A quick look around, and Rodney discovered that it was morning. Sunlight filtered through the heavy foliage and reflected off the door to the compound. It was sort of nice. It would have been nice, if he hadn't been sitting hunched over his friend's corpse.

Alone. Maybe not for ten thousand years, but these few hours had been long enough. Too long.

Rodney sighed and tapped the radio. "Teyla, this is McKay. We're… I'm outside the compound. Sheppard… Sheppard is …" his voice broke, he couldn't seem to get the word past his lips. He looked down, as if the sight of Sheppard's slack lifeless face would drive the fact home and make it real.

And met a pair of tired hazel eyes and the shadow of a smile.

The world turned blurry for a moment, his throat burned, and all Rodney could get out was, "You… you didn't…"

"Couldn't," Sheppard whispered. "Not worth it." Then he closed his eyes again, still with that peculiar little smile on his face, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

Rodney laughed until he began to cry and then just sat with his head bent over Sheppard's, listening to him breathing. That was how Teyla and Ronon and the rescue team found them.

o O o

_The one who is of her kind sleeps. The other one keeps vigil, guarding him, keeping him safe. She knows it now. They belong together, with their own people, not here with her. _

_When their companions arrive, she follows them to the Stargate, watching their every step. She does not want them to come to any harm. It is hard to let them go, but easier now when she knows this will not last forever. _

_She waits until the 'Gate has closed. The rest is not difficult at all. She gathers all her energy, lets it build, slowly, until it is too much to bear, and then she lets go… _

_Scatters…_

_Into the light…_

o O o

"Rodney, for the last time, you're going to be fine!" Carson was clearly beginning to lose patience with him, but Rodney wasn't convinced. He couldn't remember much about the trek back to the 'Gate, and had only vague memories of gurneys and IVs once they got back to Atlantis.

He had woken up to find himself in the infirmary with Sheppard asleep in the next bed and Carson talking about exhaustion and dehydration and second degree burns.

"It still hurts!" Rodney exclaimed. He had been given something stronger than the Tylenol, but could still feel that deep throbbing in his hand.

"As I have told you a hundred times before," Carson sighed. "The fact that it hurts is _good_. It's when a burn _doesn't_ hurt that you should be worried, that means there's nerve damage. Second degree burns generally heal well. You'll be up and about in no time."

Rodney was about to reply but, fortunately for Carson, Sheppard chose that moment to groan and open his eyes. Carson hurried over to his bed, and Rodney carefully slipped out from under his sheets so he could sit on the edge of his bed and watch Carson fuss over Sheppard.

Truth to be told, it really was more of an opportunity to watch _Sheppard_. Rodney had been convinced that the Colonel was gone. That Eiyana had only let him out because she got what she wanted - him. To see Sheppard sitting up in bed, looking around the infirmary while absentmindedly answering Carson's questions, made Rodney feel… well, he wasn't sure exactly what he felt. Relieved? It was more than that, he knew, and right now he didn't have the energy to deal with it. Watching Sheppard's tired face and his deflated hair knowing that he was _alive_ was enough for now.

Teyla and Ronon came by a little later with lunch, which almost made Rodney forget his hand. They didn't talk about what happened on the planet, just lingered on mundane everyday things for which Rodney was even more grateful.

Their next visitor, however, was Elizabeth, and it was clear that this conversation was going to be uncomfortable at best. She was carrying a laptop and stood by the end of their beds in a way that told Rodney that she was not here as a friend to inquire about their health, but as the expedition leader of Atlantis wanting to know what had went wrong with the mission.

"I'm glad to see you two recovering so well," she began, and then seemed to decide to grab the bull by the horns. "When you came back, you were so adamant that no teams should be sent back, so instead we sent a UAV through." She drew a deep breath. "I think you should see the footage yourself."

She handed Rodney the laptop, and he limped over to Sheppard's bed and sat down in the chair beside it so that they both could watch.

At first the video showed jungle. Then the UAV reached the site of the research station, or rather, the site where the research station had been. On the footage, the only thing that remained was a deep crater in the scarred earth. It looked as if a massive explosion had taken place.

"I don't believe it," Rodney said, winding back the tape to watch it again, just to make sure his eyes weren't just playing a trick on him. "She blew it up. She… she committed suicide." He was momentarily horrified by the thought – was it possible that he as responsible? Could something he had said to her, or hadn't said, prompted this action? He didn't want to think about that.

Sheppard looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. "Maybe that was the only way she could let go," he said. "That place… she couldn't ascend fully because she loved it so much. Maybe she realized that destroying it was the only way to move on."

They sat in silence for a while, thinking about it. Elizabeth looked like she was waiting for an explanation, but Rodney had no idea how to explain to someone who hadn't been there. Eventually, she seemed to realize that she wouldn't get anything out of them for the moment. She left, wishing them both a quick recovery.

Rodney was not looking forward to the proper debriefing.

He looked over at Sheppard, wondering if their experiences on the planet warranted some deep philosophical discussion. He really didn't feel up to it at the moment.

"So," Sheppard said suddenly and flashed Rodney a tired version of his usual grin. "I'm yours, huh?"

Rodney felt his face go red and hot with embarrassment. Had Sheppard actually _heard_ all that? He wished he could just sink through the floor. "I… I didn't… I meant…" he sputtered. Then he saw Sheppard's smirk, and realized the bastard was just jerking his chain. "You know what I meant," he finished sourly.

"Yeah." Sheppard's mouth softened into a smile. "I know."

- fin -


End file.
